Beware of what your relational “default settings” become, and this is what I mean. When you open a blank “Word” or “Pages” document, it always opens to the exact same font, line spacing, and pagination as it always does. You can make changes, but if you don’t save them and really lock them in, the next time you open a blank document, there you are, one more time, working hard to execute the changes that make the document pleasing to you. Relationships can take on their own default settings over time, all on their own, and it’s typically not in the direction of “good”. Every relationship starts with positive settings, but add years of career pressure, the stress of kids, financial or health challenges (the list goes on) and the “new normal” can become pretty empty and devoid of life. I help couples “reset” and come back from the pit, but believe me, it’s a painful and arduous journey. The better path is to agree on the “page settings” you want, the ideal default settings you desire, and then work every single day, mindfully and purposefully to keep them in place. Keep ever setting, resetting, and locking them in. Believe me, it’s far easier to maintain a positive relationship than it is to “reset” a negative one. Some suggestions for your relationship default settings are grace, encouragement, Simple Encouragement, playfulness, shared spirituality, and the exercise of corporate faith. Do this work consistently, day-by-day, and each morning when you open the “blank document” of your relationship, it will be guaranteed to open in a very satisfying way. I promise!

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